You’re my home..

You are the first person I have grown to love after being completely broken. To say you are special is an understatement. To say I love you is an understatement.

When I met you, I was happy but not me. I was drained from my past relationship and from fighting. You came along and it was just so simple. I fell fast—a little too fast for my comfort, but I felt safe around you. Being with you is like finally being able to breathe again. My walls slowly came down, and the more time I spent with you, the less I wanted to be apart from you. You became the best part of my day and slowly became my best friend, my rock, and my person. I didn’t know I could love someone else the way I love you.

I love seeing you happy. Happiness is so easy when I’m with you.

I love how I feel when I’m with you. It’s like this weight is lifted off of me and I can be 100% myself. No matter how big or little the moments may seem, I couldn’t be happier. Lying in bed with you, talking, watching movies, or getting all dressed up and going to places, it doesn’t matter. Just being with you. I feel at home with you. I love when you can’t control your laughter at some video you saw or when you wake up and pull me closer. I love the way you look at me. I love seeing you smile. I love how kind your eyes are and how it feels when you hold me. In those moments, I know there is no place I would rather be.

You remind me that I am enough. That no matter how grim things may look, I won’t have to go through it alone. You say things like “We will handle it.” We. I never knew how much one word could mean to me. There’s nothing like knowing you are by my side when I know it would be a hell of a lot easier to not be. You make me stronger; you push me to believe in myself as an artist and as a person. That there is nothing that I can’t overcome, especially together. You make me feel like I matter, that someone in this world wants me. I will always do my best to never let you down, to always make sure you feel loved so that you never feel alone.

Whenever you are feeling down, know that I’m here. There is nothing you could do or say that would change how I feel towards you. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and that means I am not just here for the pretty parts. I’m here for it all. I pick you; I choose you. Again and again. Immediately, undoubtedly, and instantly, I’ll pick you. I thought I knew what calm and true happiness felt like, but now that you’re in my life, I don’t think I truly knew much about those things at all. There is no one else I want to fall into when things become too much, because you are so incredible in every way possible. You’re my home. You’re unlike anything I’ve ever known, and I am proud to be yours.

Finally, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for just being there. Thank you for being that person who, even if you don’t know what to say, your presence alone brings comfort. Thank you for showing up, for not letting me down like all the others have. Thank you for dealing with my sarcasm and the times I annoy you a bunch just to get your attention. Thank you for being you. I never thought I would find someone like you to love and be loved by. A love that laughs with me, a love that dances with me and stays up till three watching romantic movies. You are easily the best thing in my life, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have you by my side.

Loving you has been moments of true love, faith, and hope. You make me see life in a light I never knew existed. You showed me that life is whatever I make of it. You make me wish I could hold on to some days forever. You make my life easier, and I’m glad you do, because I don’t think I could’ve done it alone.

I love you.

I will love you

I’ll love you in the ordinary moments- of you sleeping on my lap while I read a book and bask in how nice the quiet feels with you.

I’ll love you when it’s the weekend and we’re on a date and I see all these people around us but I’m happy to be right there with you.

I’ll love you in the late-night car rides with the music blasting with your favourite songs while I drive with one hand while the other is holding your hand.

I’ll love you in the subtleties—the passing glance, a subtle smile you’d almost missed, the subtle moments of you looking away while I look at you and never again doubt my luck.

I’ll love you in ways unnoticed, like removing lint off your clothes, choosing a restaurant I think you’d enjoy, paying attention to every story, every word you say and holding you close, so close to me but it’ll never be close enough.

I’ll love you with every word, every promise, every sincere emotion that you make me feel when I’m with you.

I’ll love you while I do mundane tasks at home or at work and you cross my mind once, twice or even three times but if I were being really honest, you never really leave my mind.

I’ll love you like it’s my last time to love someone. Because with you sleeping next to me and telling me you like me too is one of the best things to have happened in my life.

I’ll love you and you alone because there’s no one else quite like you. All these people around us can catch my eye but not my heart.

I’ll love you with a love so eager to see you after work, to hold your hand, make weekend plans with you or just listen to you talk about how your day has been.

I’ll love you with a strength to not give up through whatever ups and downs that life may bring. Even when times get too hard, know that I’d still be there.

I’ll love you in the difficult times—of you stressing out about work or any family issues that may arise. I’ll be home to you.

I’ll love you with all honesty and vulnerability I can muster even when the truth and my feelings get a little too messy. I’ll love you while you slowly peel the layers of my personality and my psyche.

I’ll love you on Sunday mornings when I wake up next to you while you enjoy a few more minutes of sleep.

I’ll love you with a love I was too scared to give because my heart had been broken one too many times, but I’ll risk it anyway with you.

I’ll love you as I silently watch you do the things you love and get inspired by the passion in your eyes.

I’ll love you in the times you need my support—I’ll be your cheerleader, your number 1 fan, a paparazzi on the streets or simply just a guy who adores you.

I’ll love you in the passionate kisses we share with your hands up in my hair.

I’ll love you with intentions so pure you’ll forget the doubts inside your head.

I’ll love you in times of defeat and in glorious moments of victory in your life or even mine.

I’ll love you when I wake up on a winter morning and it’s so cold but you’re not there next to me. I’ll love you even in your absence.

I’ll love you even in arguments where our views and opinions clash and I try to hear and understand your side but all I see is anger in your eyes. I’ll love you despite the bugging indifference in my eyes.

I’ll love you in the quiet moments of us still feeling upset after a fight when we exchanged words that hurt each other. I’ll love you even then.

I’ll love you in the silent moments we share where we don’t feel the need to fill with words because our presence alone is enough.

I’ll love you and your perpetually messy hair, eyes that see through my soul and lips that you know I like to kiss.

I’ll love you for all that you are—your weird quirks that I find adorable and even the you in all your bad moods.

I’ll love you in all the ways I know how to love and all the ways I am yet to know..

Pick Me. Choose Me. Love Me.

I always wanted to write about you.

About how your eyes sparkle like stardust in the dark room.

About your smile that gave me so many butterflies in my stomach.

About how I remember you as I listen to Landon Pigg sing, “Falling in Love at a Coffee shop.”

About how you brought euphoria to my life with every mention of your name.

But, you see… I always run of words to describe these things.

I always find myself speechless every time I try.

Thank you, for showing me that love is selfless; love is not asking anything in return.

It seems so simple and so easy, just love hard and it will all work out. Just give it your best. Just hold nothing back. Be brave. Be vulnerable. And everything will work out for you.

But you know that isn’t always the case sometimes. Because sometimes you can love someone with everything you have, and you can still get it wrong. Sometimes it doesn’t work out.

So why do we take these chances? Why do we risk heartbreak and tears and sleepless nights, if we know we could get it wrong?

Because on the other side of rejection, on the other side of that moment you question if you should say something, there comes bravery from within that allows you to continue with words you might regret. But under the surface is hope. Under the surface you wonder, can they reciprocate these intense feelings you have?

So you take a chance and you go for it. Because the regret we have more in life, isn’t for the words we say but rather the words we repress, always wondering what if.

If you don’t love me or feel the same way, that’s one thing. But there’s something that tells me this could be something. There’s this feeling that I’m blindly trusting and holding onto I can’t just walk away without giving it my best.

I know you felt it too. The intense exchange of looks, where I know your heart was beating as fast as mine. I could feel it as I laid there on you. Cause it wasn’t just a kiss, it was the right kiss. And every moment we were together, I want to know if you felt the time frozen too. Like it was just us.

I’m never one to beg or plead or ask for attention. But this could be something. We could be onto something great here. I know you might be as scared as me. I know a lot of things can go wrong. I know you don’t want to get hurt…again. I don’t either.

But there’s something about you I believe in. There’s this feeling within me that is my only guide.

I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you feel things. I cannot force something if it just isn’t there. But I think you know it too. And I think that’s why this is as scary as it is.

Because the only thing scarier than getting it wrong, is getting it so right you suddenly have something to lose.

You might not be willing to make the first move, or admit what is feels so obvious that we can be something. But here I am standing in front of you, asking you to take a chance on loving me.

Because I’ll give you my best. I’ll love you the way others haven’t. I’ll show you what you’ve deserved this whole time. Because you deserve the best. You deserve someone to love you the best they can. You deserve someone who enhances your life and makes it better. I want to be that person.

So I’m asking you as I sit here pouring my heart out. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

Because here I am picking you. Here I am choosing you among the many people that are around. Because sometimes all you need is one to change your belief. Love me, because I think even if you break my heart, I’ll still love you with every broken piece.

I don’t want to be the only one to want this thing. But if for a moment you question maybe you should turn back around and not walk away, I’ll be here. I’ll be ready to take your hand, and I’ll be ready to fall with you.

I don’t have any intention of hurting you. I don’t have intentions of backing out. I’m all in on this one. I love you.

Maybe One day I’ll tell you how I feel, but that day isn’t today..

I wish you knew that I love you. I wish that you knew how lost I get in your eyes and that when I hear your laugh, I know that there is no sound on this earth that could be nearly as beautiful.

I wish you knew that everyday I lose myself in visions of you running your fingers through my hair, complimenting my eyes even though my hazel eyes are not nearly as breathtaking as your eyes.

I wish that you could be my forever and my end and I wish that I could be yours.

Loving you feels right and it feels like I was put on this earth to love you this much, but I also know that we could never be and It’s dangling in front of me, just out of my reach and I can’t grab it. My life’s a mess right now and I don’t want to pull you into this mess. I want to be something great and I understand that I can’t be that for you right now.

You are everything I need in my life and you fill holes that I didn’t know existed until you came along.

And when I’m old, I’ll tell everyone how in love I was with you and how you stole my heart without ever meaning to. I’ll tell them that I admired you and that you made me want to be better without trying.

You are a fantasy, nothing more than that and I’m okay with that because I have to be. I love you and love is hard and I know that you don’t need love in your life right now. You need to focus on you.

Maybe one day, timing will be right and I’ll tell you how I feel, but that day isn’t today.

I’ll always love you from afar.

“Forever Is A Myth” – The Last Chapter

The first time was a surprise, because you’ve never felt anything like it before. It cut you deep, touching your heart, scaring you that something could make you feel so close to death. It’s the first time someone made you feel whole, only to rip the other half from you and leave you with a scrap of what made you happy.

The first time was a surprise, but you still have the strength to beat on.

The second time was expected, but you were surprised by how much worse it felt than the first. Because the second time, you swore to yourself you would be more careful, that you would not fall as hard, you would not give as much, only to find that they held you with a sense of security. And you told yourself, “I can’t be close to love forever,” so you opened your heart up again. And you loved even harder than you did the first time. Because you trusted this person, and this trust had more meaning this time because they knew how much you’d been hurt before. Until they hurt you.

Suddenly, the world is a dark, the universe is not in your favor, and you are in a cold storm of betrayal. You were more careful this time, yet you were left anyway. You’re left thinking that maybe this is a pattern, that there must be something wrong with you.

So you go on the search for self-love, hoping that you’ll be able to fix whatever it is about yourself that people don’t seem to love enough.

You lock yourself away from love. Maybe you date, but only casually. Never anyone that you would take seriously or would take you seriously.

Until someone sneaks into your life.

So you let yourself feel cared about for once. It’s been a while, after all. Plus, you have been loving yourself. It should be better this time around.

You let yourself get comfortable, settle into a routine. Eventually, you focus on this one person because they are focused on you. Because they’ve treated you better than the people before, because you realize that you deserve this. You deserve to be cared for.

And slowly, your heart gets comfortable, too. It leaps at the sight of them, the thought of them. It bursts and screams when you kiss, it shrinks when they go, but grows when they’re present. You never felt that you could love this much—so fully, carefully, only to become carefree again. To feel again. And you even think it doesn’t matter if you get heartbroken again because at least you got to experience this feeling, this floating in the sky and breathing-underwater immortality.

It’s this heartbreak that devastates you. Because you thought you were prepared for the pain—you’d been through it before. You thought you would be okay because you love yourself and you know what to do now if you get your heart broken. You should be an expert.

But the pain of the past crashes into the pain of your present. It crushes you into the darkest pits of sadness. You can’t see, you can’t breathe, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep or you sleep too much. You want to live in your dreams because they’re better than waking up to this world where pain like this could exist. Your heart is suffocating. Something is choking it, squeezing tears from your eyes. You cry out because your chest collapses into your organs.

You want to heal, your body wants to heal, but the pain came too deeply and too fast for it to be ready for this. This incredible, massive, black hole swallowing your soul.

You don’t know if you can survive this time.

You don’t know if there can be any good after this.

But you can hope. And if you don’t have hope, what else do you have?

So you learn how to get out of bed again. Shower. Remember what it is you love about this world. Flowers? Friends? Family? Food?

You learn how to do this again because nothing is forever, not even this.

Nothing lasts forever because Forever Is A Myth!

How it feels to love someone who has no idea how you feel

Sometimes we fall in love with someone by their eyes. Sometimes by their voice that felt like a melody to our ears. Sometimes by accident. Sometimes by the way they smile. Sometimes by how they treat you and sometimes by how they pronounce your name.

And we know that falling in love with someone secretly is painful – seriously painful.

Sometimes we try to just keep it to ourselves because we’re all afraid of rejection. We try to step back before moving forward. We become cautious enough before doing anything that might brutally hurt us because we all know that being rejected can be devastatingly painful.

Sometimes, the more we try to avoid the feelings we have, the deeper it gets and it consumes you.

Sometimes, it’s easier to love someone in silence because it’s true when they said that in silence there’s no rejection. In silence, there’s no pressure. In silence, you are comfortably loving someone from afar without worrying what this person might say to you.

Sometimes, falling in love with someone secretly means you really don’t expect anything in return because you know that there are no chances for the both of you. And you respect that. You understand that.

Sometimes you will get jealous seeing them with others going crazy and laughing out loud. And you sit there in the corner wishing that hopefully it was you who was there with them.

Sometimes falling in love with someone secretly means breaking your own heart and you knew that you don’t have the authority to get hurt or get jealous because you don’t have anything special with them. You’re just a stranger loving someone secretly and that hurts a lot to your end.

We all know that when we started to have feelings with someone, the next thing to do is to let them know how we truly feel, but what makes it really hard for us to confess our feelings is the possibility of getting rejected. We don’t want that. We don’t want to look stupid and shallow especially in front of someone who is special to us.

So we just keep it secret, hoping that one day the universe will do its magic to let them know what we truly feel and maybe… just maybe you will end up loving each other.

If you’re reading this; give me one last chance

Right now I’m sitting in my bed, watching the sunrays splatter on my bedroom window. I know I should avoid moments like this, but this time I’m giving myself the permission to be vulnerable. I’m allowing myself to feel your absence in my life.

Over the past few months, I’ve realized I’m the one who’s ultimately responsible for why our relationship didn’t work out. And I’m wholeheartedly taking the responsibility for all the blame.

All I ever thought about was my feelings and I never considered yours. I was a selfish, immature, entitled human being – and you didn’t deserve someone like me. You were too kind to be investing your time and affection for someone who kept on overlooking your genuine gestures.

The way I ended things with us was a disaster, and I’m fairly certain that I broke your heart. I don’t know if you’re going to believe me when I say this, but I am truly sorry for everything that I did wrong to you. I’m sorry that we fell apart. And I hope you know that my heart is heavy with regret.

If only I could go back to that moment when I should have given you importance when I was with you, I would take back everything that I said. If only you yelled at me and told me how much you were rooting for me, I would have stayed. I would have fought my inner battles even harder and swallowed my feelings.

My only wish in the world right now is for you to give me one more chance. I want nothing but for us to try again, see where our roads will take us, and hope for a better story. I’m willing to sacrifice my comfort in life just to see you and be with you once more.

If you’re going to take a risk with me again, I promise to show you how much I’ve changed. I’ll prove to you that I’m a wiser, kinder, more mature, patient person now. I’ll give you a reason, every day, to keep me in your life.

If you’re going to accept my apology, I promise not to break your heart again. I will never ignore the efforts that you do for me. I will constantly appreciate your love and care. I will not hurt you with my coldness or with my unintentional bitter words.

They say you don’t know what’s important to you until it’s gone. Now I understand why losing you left a void in my heart. I finally understand how much you really mean to me.

If you’re going to allow me to be part of your life again, I promise not to waste my second chance. I’ll make up for the things that I missed. I’ll correct the mistakes that I did before. And I’ll stand strong against my fears.

I know that when I wake up tomorrow, I will still be missing you the same way that I do tonight. I will keep wishing for our paths to intersect again. I will keep hoping to have more conversations with you, more good memories with you, more time to get to know you. I will keep dreaming to feel your presence beside me.

If one day you’re going to read this, know that I am sorry for what happened between us. I believe that it’s not yet too late to fix what has been broken. And so I promise that when the time is right, I’ll reach out to you and tell you how badly I want you back.

I will forever hold myself responsible for the damages I have caused.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me the happiest I had ever been in a long time.

I will never forget the moments we shared and the way you made me feel whole. I never thought I deserved to feel a love like that so up close. It was a love that every fiber of my being felt so deeply, and will continue to long for from now.

You helped me shine on my darkest days. You made me believe that it was okay to be who I was. I finally accepted being the guy who made everyone else laugh and then went home and cried himself to sleep every night. Because he finally had you to cry with. No one had ever made me feel so comfortable in being who I was. You loved every part of me, no matter how dark or disgruntled.

But despite my best efforts, you met the same fate that everything else in my life has had the misfortune of meeting. I let my anxiety get in the way. Slowly and gradually, I became the guy they tell every girl to stay away from; insecure, abusive, and simply a burden that kept dragging you down.

The emotional torture you had to go through with me every other day was unjust and unfair for someone like you, someone who had fared so much damage throughout her past. It was remarkable how you never let any of that stop you from believing in me to be a better man. But you were right. I could never be a man. I am too immature.

I am not going to lie. Being with you was a challenge for me every second of every day. I wanted to be better for you. I wanted to overcome all my insecurities so you would have every reason to rely on me. I wanted to be that pillar of strength you could always hold on to no matter what. But the only problem was that I always said these things and never actually proved them. In fact, my actions always did quite the opposite of what I said. And that’s something I knew you had started noticing, as the faith you had in me began crumbling.

I know who I am; an extremely emotional human being who can burst out into an episode of uncontrollable rage any second. And that’s why I was always afraid of myself around you. But saying all of this puts you in a negative light, when the reality is that I always knew in the back of my mind that no matter what wrong I did, you would always be there to forgive me. And you were.

But I broke your heart. I disrespected you. I disgraced whatever little faith you had left in me. I literally shattered all the things we ever stood for. I could not be more ashamed of what I did. And the way you’ve simply gone silent ever since, raises so many voices in my head that I have to keep fighting every second just to make sure I don’t fall back down into that pit again. This is exactly what I deserve.

I know what I did was wrong. By the end of it, everything just became a matter of control for me. I became obsessive. I wanted to know everything you were doing. I wanted to be wherever you were going. I had become so insecure. I just could not believe how far I had pushed you, and I had no clue that everything I was doing was only increasing the distance between us. I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that the thought of us I had held onto for so long in my mind had slipped so further away from my grasp. I was confused. My mind was clouded. I couldn’t look at the bigger picture anymore, it got too dark for me to visualize.

But now that I look back on it, I guess burning all the bridges down was the only way I could save you from myself. I knew you would’ve never given up on me so easily and would’ve always been there to look out for me. But I would’ve never stopped disappointing you every step of the way.

From being your happy place to being the worst thing that ever happened to you, it was never my intention to leave you as yet another life lesson. But I am glad I have ridden you of the burden that I had become. It was by no means your burden to bear.

Just the way a beautiful soul like yours deserves to be. I will forever hold myself responsible for the damages I have caused.

One last time…I am sorry.

When I fall in love, I fall really hard.

I love you so please try to understand.

Please understand when I’m being irritable. I don’t even get myself, either. Maybe I just need you to wheedle me. Before you came, I hate sweet talks. But ever since I met you, it seemed to be part of my day. Please understand when I can’t stop over thinking things. Maybe I am just afraid of what will happen next. It’s because I can’t let you go. Please understand when I get insecure about myself. I always think that someone better out there will catch your attention.

To love is to risk.

I know you love me and I don’t have to feel insecure but let’s face it; we don’t know what the future holds. We can’t evade pain. What is love without little pain? It is part of loving and if we are lucky enough to pass through many storms and we could reach the sun and there would be no darkness for the two of us. I don’t want to think that we aren’t meant for each other because for me, you’re my destination. You are my end game.

I fell so damn hard for you and I’m scared that maybe one day, you’ll leave me hanging and if that happens, how would I pick up the broken pieces of me that are dappled on the floor?

Please understand when I always look like begging for so much attention. I admit I’m a little bit doubtful that sometimes you show the other guys the attention I like to have. Please understand when I’m being sensitive when it comes to you, to the words you utter, and to the actions you show. You know how much I hate change. I notice the slightest change in our conversation and I’m starting to think that you don’t see me the way you did before. I know I’m not easy to love but when I love, I love hard, I fully give my all.

You complete me so I should fulfill you.

I’m trying so hard to be matured enough for the both of us. What we have is so precious to me.

I have no intention of falling this deep but you made me fall this hard. When I fall in love, I fall really hard.

I give way too much, care way too much, and invest way too much.

Please try to understand that I love you so much to even think of letting you slip away.

Always have and always will ❤

You always touch me with more than just your hands.
You touch me with words, with your heart, your soul.
There are those quiet moments when we lay together, skin to skin.
And words are exchanged, quiet, loving words.
And I don’t always need to hear it to know how you feel.
I sense it in your presence, in your care, your respect for me.
The way I know you’d fight my demons for me even if I never asked,
The way you look at me with love in your eyes.
I sense it in the way you listen as I talk about my day.
The way you never got angry with me even if I push,
You ground me when my moods are out of balance.
You center me.
Sometimes I can’t even imagine how I went on in this life without you,
Before we met,
Back when I was just a lad, so clueless about love.
I thought love was this wonderful thing.
And it really is, but it’s more.
It’s complicated and messy,
But totally worth it when you’re being held by that one person who just gets you somehow.
“You complete me.”
People think that’s a cheesy phrase, But if you’ve been in love…
If you’re in love,
There is no better way to explain it.
Somehow you’re the other half.
You mended my broken pieces and made me whole again.
And I owe everything to you for daring to love this wayward soul,
This crazy lad who can’t seem to stop loving you.
You have my eternal gratitude for making the first move.
I know my life would have been different without you.
You made me better, made this heart beat faster, my spirits lift higher.
You made me believe again.
In a way, you made me break out of my shell.
You are everything to me, everything I want.
I swore nothing could break us.
You’re mine forever,
My forever love.
I loved you yesterday, I love you still.
Always have and always will.
Always ❤