Right now I’m sitting in my bed, watching the sunrays splatter on my bedroom window. I know I should avoid moments like this, but this time I’m giving myself the permission to be vulnerable. I’m allowing myself to feel your absence in my life.
Over the past few months, I’ve realized I’m the one who’s ultimately responsible for why our relationship didn’t work out. And I’m wholeheartedly taking the responsibility for all the blame.
All I ever thought about was my feelings and I never considered yours. I was a selfish, immature, entitled human being – and you didn’t deserve someone like me. You were too kind to be investing your time and affection for someone who kept on overlooking your genuine gestures.
The way I ended things with us was a disaster, and I’m fairly certain that I broke your heart. I don’t know if you’re going to believe me when I say this, but I am truly sorry for everything that I did wrong to you. I’m sorry that we fell apart. And I hope you know that my heart is heavy with regret.
If only I could go back to that moment when I should have given you importance when I was with you, I would take back everything that I said. If only you yelled at me and told me how much you were rooting for me, I would have stayed. I would have fought my inner battles even harder and swallowed my feelings.
My only wish in the world right now is for you to give me one more chance. I want nothing but for us to try again, see where our roads will take us, and hope for a better story. I’m willing to sacrifice my comfort in life just to see you and be with you once more.
If you’re going to take a risk with me again, I promise to show you how much I’ve changed. I’ll prove to you that I’m a wiser, kinder, more mature, patient person now. I’ll give you a reason, every day, to keep me in your life.
If you’re going to accept my apology, I promise not to break your heart again. I will never ignore the efforts that you do for me. I will constantly appreciate your love and care. I will not hurt you with my coldness or with my unintentional bitter words.
They say you don’t know what’s important to you until it’s gone. Now I understand why losing you left a void in my heart. I finally understand how much you really mean to me.
If you’re going to allow me to be part of your life again, I promise not to waste my second chance. I’ll make up for the things that I missed. I’ll correct the mistakes that I did before. And I’ll stand strong against my fears.
I know that when I wake up tomorrow, I will still be missing you the same way that I do tonight. I will keep wishing for our paths to intersect again. I will keep hoping to have more conversations with you, more good memories with you, more time to get to know you. I will keep dreaming to feel your presence beside me.
If one day you’re going to read this, know that I am sorry for what happened between us. I believe that it’s not yet too late to fix what has been broken. And so I promise that when the time is right, I’ll reach out to you and tell you how badly I want you back.
Bits And Scribbles 